HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!!!!

Jackson,

I haven't even wrote an entire sentence and already my eyes are glistening over with wetness! LOL. Oh man. Your mom is such a sap. Exactly one year ago today I walked into the hospital with your dad and knew that our life was about to change forever. No one could have ever prepared me for the next 12 hours, let alone, 48, and then the months and months that have made a year. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Well, that and a teacher of course. ;) I had many years of practice "mothering" your Uncle Matt and Troy (They would say boss, so just dont even bring it up in a conversation with them please). Being around children always made me happy. Intrinsically I knew I was meant to be a mom. I loved to babysit and then would come home and dream of one day having a family and what it would be like.

My dreams came true April 9, 2009 at 3:00pm. This dream that came true arrived in normal fashion, screaming, weighing in at 6 lbs. and 10 ounces. Then that little dream of mine scared me. Terribly. He held his breath, heart rate went down to 30, bag on him, nurses and doctors rushing around trying to get him to take that breath. After 60 long seconds, he breathed. And screamed. Again. Moment of panic subsided, and they handed me this tiny little bundle of absolute cuteness....see:

You.

I was in love. The world stopped (for the second time that day). All I saw was your dad, you and me. A family. A unit.

In awe of one of Gods miracles. You. I remember thinking at that moment, holding this tiny being that everything in the universe was in place. Nothing else mattered but you. You decided to hold your breath again twice more so they put you in NICU for 48 hours and made sure you were going to be healthy enough to go home with us. You were, of course, fine, after the first 6 hours of your life. There was no rhyme or reason as to why you didnt want to breathe on your own. We will never know, and never stop wondering. I recall the second time I saw you, I was taken into the NICU to see you and the nurses were trying to get some blood from you. The mothering instinct that I have always had (sometimes dormant, sometimes not so much) kicked into overdrive. I wanted to snatch you out of their arms and hold you and reassure you that you were most certainly not going to have ANY pain in this new place. I think I told your father that I felt like a momma bear seeing her cub taken away. I wanted to go all grizzly on them! LOL. 2 short days later, we left the hospital with you in tow unsure of how the next 36 hours were going to unfold and SCARED to death that you were going to stop breathing again. So terrified that we got maybe 5 minutes of sleep on your first night home, every noise you made had me convinced you were dying. Funny now, not so funny then. Through the ride on the rollercoaster of emotions we were on, one emotion stayed constant. Love. I had never loved like this. Seen love like this, but never experienced it myself. And the love grows. Every day. Every moment I find something else about you I just love to pieces. Every second. You are my world Jackson. I cant imagine now what your dad and I did before you. I mean, OBVIOUSLY we got sleep. Oh sleep. Glorious sleep. Because of you my dear son, my first born, we are a stronger family. Your dad and I have a stronger marriage. A stronger relationship with God, our church, and our friends. Because of you and the love that you have awoken in us, we see more clearly the priorities in life. We get that we dont want to just take care of you, but we want to cherish you. Every milestone is etched in our memory and will never be forgotten.

The first time you smiled. And made me tear up.

The first time you laughed. And made me tear up.

The first tooth..YAY!!!!

The first solid food you ate. Cereal and Applesauce YUM!!!

The moment you learned to roll over.

The second you learned to hold yourself in a sitting position.

Then the moment you learned to rock back and forth on all fours and crawl.

When you said momma for the first time. And made me cry.

When you said dadda for the first time. And made me cry again! LOL.

When you get excited when you see your daddy walk thru the door after work. I LOVE THAT!

How much happiness you show when your dad holds you, plays with you and loves on you.

Your first step.

And many many more memories we have of the last year. It went by so fast. Too fast. Much to much too fast. My heart clenches up when I think about how fast this year went and how much faster the next few will speed by too. I love you Jackson.

So at 12 Months, what are you up to now?

Well.............

~You weigh in around 22 lbs 10 oz. (50%)

~Your length is 29 1/2 inches long (25-50%)

~You are officially WALKING!!! WOOHOO!!! A few days ago you just up and decided that walking was your new mode of transportation. Sure you fall back on the crawling when you want to get somewhere fast..........

but you like to give the old feet a workout first! Your dad says you walk like Frankenstein, arms held out, rocking back and forth like a zombie. Its super cute and funny. We are going to get it on video and post it this week.

~You now try to say Dixies name more, you say Di Di Dixxxxxx (except the x comes out as a kkkk with spit involved)!. Also super cute.

~You are still wearing a size 4 diaper but I think that time is coming to a close soon.

~You are now drinking some whole milk. You still wont touch the stuff it I put it in a sippy cup, and try to give it to you anytime during the day other than morning and night before bed. Not super cute. Just super frustrating! LOL. But I will add that I am slightly okay with this because selfishly I like to feed you your bottle at night and in the morning. Its one on one snuggle time that I dont want to pass up.

~You now have 10-11 teeth. You cut two molars the last week and a half. Whew. NOT looking forward to the rest my friend. Your top left gums are seriously swollen and I can feel all that calcified goodness about to bust through. Poor guy :(

~You love to play Peek-a-Boo, Patty Cake, Itsy Bitsy Spider and DANCE!! Man anything that has any music in it, you are bopping and a movin! Especially in the car.

~You love to laugh. At me, at dad, at Dixie, at the t.v. You are just a happy happy kid. Its so much fun being around you.

~You love (and always have) to make faces. The faces are just getting better. I love all of your faces and they make us laugh and chuckle. You are a classic my boy.

This last year has taken me by surprise. I am truly happier than I have ever been and more fulfilled by what you have given me. Unconditional love. Thank you baby boy. Thank you for being my son, my first born and my most favorite person in the world. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you smile, laugh, and grow into such a wonderful young child. You are smart, adorable and one of a kind. Im lucky to be your momma. Im pretty sure your daddy feels the same way. In fact I know he does. Sometimes we ask each other how we got so lucky and blessed. Then we just pray that God knows how thankful we are and watches over you and stays a constant part in your life to lead you to being a good christian man.

Happy Birthday Jackson.

One year down, many more to come. I cant wait to see what they bring but also want to slow it down too. I loved every minute of being pregnant you and have loved every minute of having you in this world as a child of mine. That will never change.

I love you. Happy Birthday.

XOXOXOXO,

Mom